Kent's thought of a new name for himself a few weeks out from his defamation trial, he's now a 'self litigant' or an LG for short. Clearly he doesn't like the idea that he's one of the defendants in his own trial so he's thought up a new name. A secret source reveals that he's going to go the full hog with his new identity, buy a Davy Crocket hat to wear along with a pressed white shirt, a long black coat (borrowed from Aunt Fanny) and ask the Court to refer to him as Mr Litigant rather than as the defendant.
In his most recent writing he has revealed his subtle delight that Joe Karam is not going to be represented by Michael Reed, but rather by a 'very experienced' defamation expert Peter Mc Knight who 'however does not have his head around the issues anywhere like Reed does.' Clearly Kent thinks that not having Reed representing Karam is an advantage to himself in having a 'defamation expert' instead. I guess in Kent's world, being in the defendant in a defamation trial, it's an advantage if the plaintiff's lawyer is an expert in the field of defamation. Well, of course anything can happen in Kentsville, its a lonely bewildered mind that holds fort there. But I assume most folks wouldn't take much confidence in facing a highly experienced expert, unless of course you happened to be a LG. or more properly Mr Litigant.
Looking a little further into Kent's reasoning, and taking into account what his mad agents have been broadcasting, Kent the poor chappette still actually believes his trial is in fact the 3rd murder trial of David Bain and that he Kent, Mr Litigant, now has the advantage with Reed gone and McKnight stepping in who doesn't have his 'head around' things. I imagine Kents opening to The Court will be to point out that the 'defendant' isn't present only to be old that 'yes he is' that should get things off to a bewildering start. Particularly, when Kent asks 'well where is he.' 'He is you, Mr Parker along with Victor Purkiss.'
Poor Kent, I bet when he got the big 'D' at school marked on every subject he didn't realise it was 'D' for deluded, or maybe he did and thought that he was on track after all. It's going to be an interesting spectacle. Kent walking in his long black coat exposing his 'lily' white legs and little bobby socks and casting a confident eye over Peter McKnight, perhaps even snickering at his advantage or sneezing because he is allergic to coon skins and cussing Davy Crockett for his dress sense. Casting his eye about for David Bain and probably convincing himself that because David 'hadn't turned up' the Judge would order his arrest. Go Kenty....
Oh no, no, no. You are wrong about his attire.
ReplyDeleteAs a litigant (rather than the defendant) he will get to wear a flowing black gown and a wig, just like other QCs. Mel is sewing him a new one as we speak, and the wig will be made from all of the hair that Vic has been pulling out since he let Kenty to get him into this mess.
As Kenty is the litigant, wearing his fancy garb, then Vic must be the defendant he will be in jeans and a teeshirt so the Judge will see that not only can they not afford decent legal advice but they can't afford good clothes to wear to court.
Understanding all of that and knowing that Kent, Vic and the sisters only defamed Joe Karam in defence of Robin, he will find in their favour.
The Judge will reward the lot of them by reopening Oakley and sending them all there for an extended holiday, throwing away the keys once the troops are all inside.
What I'm disturbed about is some news just off the wires that Aunt Fanny has a cunning plan to attach mirrors to the top of his army boots so he can stand behind Kent and look up his flowing black gown, lovingly sewn by Mel pal and with materials supplied from Vic's bald head and supplemented with dog fur from the kennel in Kalnovitch's bedroom.
DeleteNot only that, and even more sinister, is that Aunt Fanny, despite protests from Kent and sobbing moans from Vic, plans to interrupt the proceedings at will - demanding to be strip searched by anybody at all and threatening to tell the Court what Mrs Laney said and what he 'reckons' about the glass lens if the Judge doesn't comply.
I'm sure he'll reply at some point. He's quite busy at the moment having decided 18 months ago to become insane full time.
ReplyDeleteLatest from the hatesite is Mel gloating that it is just 8 weeks before the trial and she has her flights all booked and her son to drive her to the airport. The 3rd trial of DB is about to begin according to Mel and old Kenty. They are thinking of selling tickets to the event to help cover costs. Mel is just so excited, must be her first flight to anywhere.
ReplyDeleteShe is excited about being able to flutter her eyelashes at Kent.
DeleteShe doesn't realise, yet, that he will be too busy being the oh so important litigant, in his flowing black gown and wig to even notice her.
Also from the hate site is that Vic has now taken his name off the line up of administrators. Does he think this will save his hide and his money? Too late Vicky, you are done like a turkey dinner.
8 weeks and two days to thanksgiving turkey dinner at the Karam home.
I am wondering now if Kenty's big reveal at the trial will actually be the fact he is naked under the black gown, although I doubt there would be anything 'big' to show, except maybe his guitar. I have good reason to believe that is their back-up plan and if things start looking bad, Kent will sing a new song he has written for the ocassion, whilst Vic does his rendition for the dying swan from Swan Lake.
DeleteMelanie will probably not make it into the court, and will be found on the steps, where she will have fainted as her hopes for an exciting time are dashed when she spies Kenty in his black dress, and she realises he is all too familiar with the attire.
Well if he does pull out his guitar I hope there's not a mad scramble between Mal and Fanny to see who gets to back onto it first. That could be awkward ,especially if Vic is also dancing the role of the dying swan, there might be a collision in the front aisle and Vic's tutu might fall off to reveal, well nothing.
DeleteYou are so right, and when you add old Lindy to the mix insisting on a front seat because hubby drove the ambulance, and Kate trying to force complimentary meal vouchers on the Judge, I have fears for the Judges health.
DeleteI just hope there is somewhere for Aunt Fanny to hang her eye test chart and that the Judge doesn't take offence when she plants one on him, to demonstrate how a punch to the right lens in his glasses can leave a bruise on the left side of his head.
No, I don't expect a reply, and I've given myself a 1 minute minor penalty for unsportsmanlike conduct(taunting).
ReplyDeleteUnsportsmanlike conduct(excessive celebration) is next.
I think you might be facing more penalties than you think Lee, such as taunting a player without a brain, and additionally confusing a moron with the old 'which thimble is the pea under?' trick. You know the one, where the moron has 4,000 guesses at only 3 choices and believes he'll get it right on the 4001st. It would have been more sportsman like to have said, 'see the three thimbles, none of have peas under them - now guess which one has a pea underneath it?'
ReplyDeleteHe would still pick the middle thimble, the yell "not fair"
ReplyDelete