Ralph Taylor : Retard of the Week.

Yes, it's retard time again
Ralph's gonna lead you
I can see that far away look in his eyes
It's retard time again
and Ralph's the winner.

Congratulations retard head - you're the winner



Well, we've seen Ralph struggling on, trying to figure which way is up and why his hair stands on end when he puts his finger in a socket. We've seen him feverishly going through his wallet looking for his licence to find out what his name is again, only to discover he can't read. The whole world is against him and his fiddly, fiddly ways.

Labouring the point that he can't find ........'s evidence regarding the DNA in the rifle and clearly suspecting that the Judge was telling a big whopper just to fool old Ralphie doodle, going round and round in circles and bumping into Mike going the other way, mumbling under his breath about Mike's odour and flatulence, and propensity to wear black lace and stockings. That's a perfect reason to name him as Retard of the week but I've been holding out on him for a few awards because I like the look of bewilderment on his face when his cigarette burns down to the butt and his lips get burnt or when he gets that sly, cunning look on his face after he spots old Mike's wallet on the floor, but when dives for it Mike pulls it away on a string much like he did with his offer to pay campmother's bills. They play like that for hours, it's a true retard moron relationship, so touching to watch.

But he broke out a little this week, maybe his meds have been changed or something. Now he has another obsession he believes a person with one foot raised on a chair and instantly demobilised would fall forward? Forward, like your standing knee is the first thing to collapse and your weight is already measured to the rear - but Ralphie true retard he is reckons you'll go forward. He also says that there is no recoil to a .22 which is unamazingly enough true, but he can't fathom that a bullet entering your skull and not exiting is not a feather touch.

So Ralph just for being a consistent trier to prove what is obvious to us all - you get The Retard of The Week Award. You champion you, if Mike wasn't so tight he'd shout you an ice cream, but he wouldn't want campy to find out because he's told Kent that he lost all his money on a turtle race.